Grand baby Ella Jane makes her entrance

Cooking for Jessica was my assigned task after delivery, which to my delight meant that sometimes Ella Jane's bassinet traveled to the kitchen with me.

Waiting for you, Dear Ella Jane, was not hard to do because your mama and me started out thinking how lovely it would be for Jessica to be a mom. I only wanted that for her because of the love, joy and delight I have in being a mother. I can honestly say I was a nervous wreck as I arrived at the airport the day after your due date because I did not want Jessica to see me so freaked out…freaked out in a good way. She was waiting to go into labor. Childbirth is not a picnic and witnessing Jessica go through it was somewhat scary for me. I am so proud of her because she made it look all so easy. I imagined myself for weeks, or maybe since 5 August 1980, being very calm, quiet and economically vocalizing words of wisdom and comfort during the pregnancy, birth and Ella’s entire life. Jessica never ever was a problem, conundrum, or basket case as a baby, toddler, grade school kid, teenager or at all, so Ella will most likely be just like, or even better than, her mama.

Since Ella Jane’s arrival, headlines in the news, apps, television broadcasts, radio are just not interesting anymore. I read and write daily, sometimes twice a day and I cannot even remember anything when I scan the headlines. And all I want to write about is you. Everything else is of no interest to me. When Ella squeaks, or Jessica changes her diaper, or Engin asks me if I can see if Ella is breathing ok when she is on his shoulder. Now THAT is a headline worth reading. All three of us are just smitten to no end. She is like the Star and we are orbiting her because the gravity is so defining to our every essence, being and action. It’s been 5 days since she is born and time has just flown by.

Flown by while giggling. I am giggling so much when I see her little pants. Jessica says she needs to fold the Ella’s laundry as she refuses to go lie down for a few minutes. Ella is in Engin and my charge in her chair sleeping. Wiggling indicates that she needs something as she is lifted from her baby device and is placed on the neatly folded placed granny crochet blanket on the couch. Sitting next to her on the couch is her clean laundry and her mama. Jessica is folding Ella’s clothes on the couch. With the Ella focusing as a new human does on all that is around her, Jessica proclaims, “I am gonna need to learn how to fold clothes with her so I might as well do it now.” Emma is watching her every move and talking her baby vernacular as she squeezes in her bunny pajama feet with bent paired knees up to her belly, arms moving about. Then Jessica yells out to Engin in the kitchen, “Come play with Ella because it is her play time.” Engin listens dutifully by turning off the water in the sink dishes and sits on the coffee table next to Jessica and coos just like a dove at his beautiful baby girl.

I can remember collecting Jessica as a baby with the laundry, clothespins and yellow bonnet. I enjoyed every miniscule thing I did taking care of her. Denying the reality that I could use the dryer and not hang the laundry up. I placed Jessica in the stroller after securing a yellow bonnet around her head and we rolled out on the green grass under the makeshift clothesline. Christopher was always following along and held Jessica’s hand as we all three, laundry and stroller moved in unison slowly to the task of hanging diapers in the breeze of August in New Orleans. Jessica was protected from the wind because she had her yellow bonnet, brother and mama with her.

Engin and I are entrusted to watching Ella Jane in her bassinette I the living room while Jessica gains a few minutes of precious privacy after days of having the most unglamorous Ella Entrance into the world. We two watch in utter amazement to Ella’s movements with her back to the crib bed focusing through glassy sleepy eyes. This must be her second feeding after Jessica’s mild came in. As her arms and feet come to a sudden stop, her right arm is still high above her body.  And suddenly fall with as large as the less than seven-pound baby thump on the bed with about a 30-degree angle from her shoulder. Engin and I both look at each other and say in unison, “I guess she is out!” Like the show is over, she is gonna be sleeping now, and a milk drunk sleep at that. Sweet serenity with a hint of “I am busy making more cells” or AKA growing is her second most important job.

Jessica is the kind of mom I thought she would be, serious, focused and pleasant to her child. We all think of Emma Jane as the cutest thing. Engin and I ponder why Jessica puts her in clothes that have the emblem on the baby small chest that says, “Sweetie.” You think we might forget? Why does she have a small chest rose budded pocket. Is she going to whip out her little notebook and pencil and calculate her feeding to diaper changing variables? Too cute for me,….that Jessica Jane and her new baby.

We said goodbye this morning with out tears. Could be that I am returning in twelve days, but still we should be used to this living so far apart for 15 years now. We lived together for 19 years so I guess we can handle it. After all I left Keith for 18 days. As Engin put the car in reverse we saw Jessica come out on the porch with baby in arms and noticed she was just waving. Rain filled driveway felt as though there was a large ocean to cross to get away from that separation butterfly jumbling feeling in my gut. I have survived leaving my kids before, I gotta do it again. Tears were going to add to the rain soaked streets, but I did not want to cry in the car. Engin could have handled it, but I want to be strong and fearless in front of him.

Jessica had a trip out of the house yesterday. We planned the next feeding, preparing for an hour or so get away. All was well. That sweet baby a sleep in her crib, grandma on one couch reading and Olive the cat on the other keeping watch on that tiny bundle of happiness, hope and love. Oh yeah, that is why they put that label on Ella’s Pajamas…. and sweetness. She slept for an hour without a move, until a big stretch of the arms over the head, knees up on her belly. SQUIRT explosive out of her rear. Ella jumped as if some one else released the excrement from her bowls. Her eyes opened, and SQUIRT again, with another jump. She has such a small amount of experience that this one is new, or at least not recollected from previous experience, only to be repeated for all hopes in the future least daily for many years to come. I  properly picked her up from where she lay to clean her up and talk to her about the many things in life that will scare her, but to fear not of the unknown because she will have the capacity to learn and cherish all her experiences, scary and not so scary. “Experience teaches” Grandmaleen quietly repeats as I button up her “Sweetie” embossed pajamas.

Recipes to write for Jessica

Meatballs and spaghetti

Chicken soup with drop and rolled dumplings

Macaroni and cheese

Beef stew

Lightly breaded on one side flounder